At one time, that was a hard task for me, but not now. The flickers ofshame and disgust at myself I experience are permitted, so long as theydon't prevent me from completing my task.My mother smiles at me as she drops me off. She has no idea what goes oninside. Nor can I tell her. How could a nine-year-old boy tell his motherhe is evil?It has been two years since my first Visit, but I cannot recall most ofthem, except in short flashes. I do know that today's Visit is supposedto be special. something that HE has been preparing for since HE firstlearned what I am.HE brings me into HIS office, and sits me in a chair. This little act ofnormalcy is important, in case my mother suddenly returns for me. Onething I remember from one of the early Visits was hoping that this time,talking would be all we did. I know better now. Toys do not hope , theyonly serve.HE gives me my dose of medicine, and I remember the first time HE gave itto me. I was a little reluctant to take it, but Mother. All through my life I have been rather shy, quiet and maybe timid, I suppose a lack of confidence and easily frightened, I guess that was all down to being a large lady and my biggest fear would be for anyone to see me naked, or even just a little of me so I would always dress in a way to cover up as much as possible, around my own home I was much relaxed and sometimes I would dress to show off a little more cleavage, but that was just for my husbands eyes.Over the last couple of years, my husband and I had numerous arguments, which I hated and would upset me and I would dwell on for days on end, mostly centred on my daughter who he would often say I stick up for too often, even when she is in the wrong. The last few years are arguments got worse and worse and that was mainly down to my daughter who had gotten in with the wrong people and had started using i*****l substances, if you know what I mean, she would come round often asking, begging to borrow some money so she could pay what.
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